Osman Mangwiro, HIV Positive

I have been here in Mashambanzo for almost one month. It is such a relief to be here. You do not get the stress that you get in the streets. It is also so much better than the government hospitals, there you do not get any food and must buy your own medicine.

You have good days and bad days. On the bad days I get pain in my chest and thrush in my mouth, you also have pains all over your body. I’m not so bad today.

How you feel physically can depend a lot on your mental state. It’s all very psychological. Some days you wake up in a good mood, other days your brain is loaded, there are a lot of things to think about when you are sick like this. You end up thinking about your death and your future in heaven.

I worked as a clerk for consultants in the employment sector. I last worked 2-3 months ago, you only get paid what you work so I am not earning anything now.

I realised I was HIV positive last year. My wife and son died last year and then I got TB. I didn’t think it was HIV but I got the test anyway. I don’t know how I got HIV as I’m a churchgoer and live a good life though I did used to have a girlfriend.

You just have to accept it because if you think too much about it it will kill you before you’re due. Many people commit suicide when they find out they’re HIV positive, they just can’t accept it and get scared of what the future holds.

Some people know I’m HIV positive, but most people don’t, they think I’m getting treated for TB. But I have told close family members. Some reacted positively and visit me regularly, others not so.

The support you get from the staff and from family makes you feel like a real person. My brother and sister are coming today. Friends come in as well. Some know about my status, others don’t.

What’s needed to sort out this Aids problem is education. People on the street will mock you if you don’t have a girlfriend, they’ll say you’re homosexual. I had a girlfriend while I was married. Many people go out for sex at night. People are not as open about it now but they still continue to have affairs. Many people I know use prostitutes. Some use condoms but they do not guarantee your safety.

The girlfriends I had before I was married are all married now. I don’t know if they are sick. People don’t admit in public that they are HIV positive. If you admit being positive people will reject you. They think they are talking to a dead person. 

Many of my friends have died at a very young age. HIV can take a long time to kill you. You can stay on for longer if you’re taking special drugs but no one can afford these.

I don’t think I have full blown Aids. I can walk and cook. I hope to get out of here soon after I’ve improved a bit more. The medicine they give me here is doing a good job. I hope to get onto the home based care programme after I leave here.

It was very upsetting to watch my son die, we were so close. I had another son out of wedlock. He is 6 or 7 now and lives with his mother who is a hairdresser. She’s not sick.

The death of my son caused me so much heartache. I think this is what brought on my sickness. My wife developed lesions and became very sick. My son was breastfeeding from her. He became sick and died 3 months after her. He had the same symptoms as her. I will stay single from now on. 

Feedback

Print this page

Email to a friend